Things are happening

Things are happening. I have a tenant for my flat and provided credit checks etc work she sounds perfect. Better than perfect. Better still I have a place to stay in Mexico. An amazing apartment. Only having got these things resolved do I realise how much they have been worrying me. On both counts I had sort of made the conscious decision not to worry about them and that they would resolve themselves, and low and betide they have. Part of me is surprised it has been so easy. The part of me that seems to be evolving with this journey isn't surprised at all. This is, after all, what it means to have faith and believe in what you are doing, and when this happens things fall into place. I like this new me. A lot.

Other things have been changing too. Some that I am aware of and others that I can feel shifting on the peripheries of my consciousness. This new found awareness is interesting for me. It leaves me uptight and anxious and I feel like I am experiencing more emotions than before, perhaps my fight or flight has been triggered by the move, who knows. One of the big changes I have noticed is that I seem to be getting better at setting boundaries for myself in my relationships and recognising who is a positive influence for me, and sadly who isnt. This has been a long time coming and its a huge relief that its arrived (at last).

I tend to think of myself as a bit of a Labrador puppy of a person. I will wander up to anyone, wagging my metaphorical tail, share my toys, perhaps chew their shoelaces, roll over on to my back and hope they scratch my tummy, and given half a chance will lick their face. I cant help it. Its just how I do life. I just want everyone to love me pleeeeaaaaaaase.... As a toddler I used to give my sweets away to strangers, which I think was perplexing to my parents but also a huge relief as I was always the one doing the giving I never had to be told "don't take sweets from strangers". I find I still do this now as a adult but the behavior plays out in a different way. It has huge upsides but sadly it also has downsides. Finally, I am finding myself filtering this behaviour more. It seems to matter less to me now than before that people like me. I am sticking up for myself. I am ok with people not liking me. It surprised me at first, its been almost like watching a stranger from the outside. The wonderful thing is, I have realised I care less if others like me a little less now as I am starting like me a LOT more.

(Also I know the people who really care about me like me anyway. end of.)