My life is like a freight train... not a roller coaster...

My life is like a freight train, not a roller coaster, I think. Sometimes, I can be happily getting on with other things and its not so much the ups and downs, or highs and lows, but more that it smashes right into me. Shaking me to my foundation at best, leaving me a gibbering wreck at worst.

This week has been crazy. So many unexpected turns and twists. I have been saying my goodbyes, doing my bikini course, and the combination of the two has been amazing and ridiculous. I am going to need a week of sleep when I get to Mexico, and I still need to pack. Arggghhhhhhh....

The zen den has been rented and I have found a room mate in Playa. YAY! Things seem to keep working out. I am not complaining - long may it continue - I am relishing in it.

(Trying not to write a blog like a miserable woman with cats which is why I think I am moving away from my freight train spiel.... It's for the best I think!)

I have been out a couple of times this week with people I thought were friends and they have actually ended up being kind of dates. It's been interesting as I am clearly not even in that head space and am just thinking about getting on with things and the move, and somehow the not thinking about it makes them much more fun. In each instance by the time I have cottoned on enough to figure out the other persons agenda its taken a while, I have been too busy having fun and not caring about any particular outcome. The interesting thing is, I still, even afterwards, no longer care about any particular outcome from either one, I just want to continue having fun and being myself. I am going to Mexico. Who cares about anything else?

I need the yoga. I played some yoga playlists in Bikini class this week and I had to physically struggle not to get up and start to do sun salutations amongst the dummies.... The rhythm of the vinyasa is starting to stir and I cant wait to be standing on my mat letting it flow.

Not sure if this makes any sense.... its just where I am at. Tired, emotional, exhausted, a "to-do" list as long as my arm, not really apprehensive or nervous at the moment (not sure it feels real yet....), inspired, excited, ready for some sun and fed up of the British dank that passes as a poor excuse for a summer. I am really really going to miss my friends though. Badly. Every goodbye that doesn't seem quite real makes me more aware that some part of me cant quite believe I am not going to be able to see you all as often as I would like. It seems to the be the one thing I haven't really factored in. BOOM. I guess that's another example of my freight train. (this is me gibbering on the floor). You make choices with huge upside, things that you NEED to do, changes that have to happen, and you overlook the obvious. The people who make my world at the moment wont be coming with me. I go alone. Yes, of course I know people in Playa, I have amazing friends there, and I am sure there will be an incredible bunch of new ones (my new potential flat mate included) but nonetheless... you can't all come with me.

So I have been getting on with it, this move, the logistics (or some of them at least- my mother has been amazing), the emotions, the fear, the freedom at the end of it all, and I have overlooked the most obvious thing of all. I wasn't intending to post about this at all, but I will miss my friends - massive massive understatement. This week of having more time has made me realise I wish more of my weeks had been like this, that I had given you all more time, that I had been more focused on the things that really matter (you) and less on the things that have no real meaning...(please insert as appropriate here).

So here is to the highs and lows, the ups and downs, the booms and the times when I have been a gibbering wreck, and you have been there for me, please, if you want to, come with me?