I feel like my blog posts aren't as good at the moment as they were at the start. Perhaps I am being less introspective, perhaps I just don't have as much to say, perhaps the novelty of being able to regurgitate my day across the internet is wearing off - who knows. I think it might be more that I am taking each day at a time. I am being forced to. I managed to exhaust myself to the extent that I got sick, couldn't sleep and spent yesterday catching up on sleep.
Why is it I need to push myself to that point before I rest? Why can I not set up boundaries and say "Enough!" to people before I reach that point? Why can't I do that by myself? I am hoping this is one of the things I am going to learn from a more regular, sustained yoga practise. I will need to if I intend to practise two hours a day seven days a week for three months. Typing this is making me tingle with anticipation and I can almost feel my achilles and hamstrings breathing deep sights of relief. I am so excited and I think this opportunity to deepen my practise will change my life.
One of the girls I work with today has had a shoulder pain for several months and went to the physio today to be told that 8 vertebrae of her neck are fusing and she is at risk of early onset arthritis. She is 27. Why is it we repeatedly ignore what our bodies are trying to tell us? Until they step the pain up to such a degree we can no longer ignore them? I guess this comes back to an earlier blog post on if the universe is trying to tell you something you should listen, or it will just shout louder. Bodies are the same. Is there something that your body is telling you that you aren't listening to and are trying to ignore?
Mine is definitely trying to tell me it's tired and I haven't been taking very good care of it in recent weeks. It has definitely had too much sugar, too much wine, too much salt, way too much caffeine and not enough rest, or TLC. I am contemplating using the time before I go to Mexico to do a juice fast but somehow I think that would annoy everyone I am supposed to be seeing for good bye drinks etc. It's still nice to know there is a nuclear option - perhaps next week during the week? That shouldn't be too disruptive... although it will probably make me quite grumpy.
Today, for the first time it crossed my mind that the yoga practise I will be doing will cause me to observe myself in a very different way, and call for much deeper introspection than I had previously considered. Actually I am taking way too much credit for this observation, I read a post on the elephant journal entitled "10 signs you are ready for Yoga Teacher Training". Most of these I could relate to although I want to stress my main motivation for doing the training is to deepen and completely establish my own practise. I do want to be able to share it with friends, but I am not sure I can quite envisage myself teaching classes at the moment. This may well change.
Either way here is the link to an awesome article by Kelli Harrington
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/08/10-signs-youre-ready-for-yoga-teacher-training/
It was point nine that leapt out at me in flashing neon...
"You’re prepared to take an inner journey. Yoga teacher training can be an emotional rollercoaster, as you peel off the layers of the ego and reveal parts of yourself previously buried or unknown. It’s usually ultimately enlightening but can be temporarily traumatic."
Woah there! What's all this talk of trauma. This wasn't something I had actively considered, however now that I think about it, its very likely indeed (tremble). Am I ready for this? I don't know. I am not ready to keep doing the same thing all over again though and nor am I ready to not listen to my body. Not listening is not an excuse.
This quote (below) that I saw for the first time today sums up so much of what I see in my current life.
They asked the Dalai Lama: What surprises you most in humanity?
Men, he said, because they lose their health to gain wealth, and then lose their money to regain health. And while thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present in such a way that they neither live the present nor the future. And live like they were never going to die... and die like they had never lived.
Perhaps this is the very choice I am really making by all of this, perhaps I am choosing life and that's why it feels so easy?
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