I met a cool girl who loved the bikini idea in Sweaty Betty and spent some time discussing how I want to make high end bikinis with less fabric than a chintz sofa that don't look like you should be in a porno and you still feel like you can do stuff in without running the risk of slipping out of them. I want them to cater to a more cosmopolitan market than the Fulham and Balham nappy valley favourite Heidi Klein - bikinis that European women would also consider buying. Not that HK don't do a great job - they do and have completely revolutionised swimwear for a portion of the uk population as well as making the shopping experience far more pleasurable with their lovely stores and changing rooms that don't make you look like some sort of battery farmed poultry as you try things on. Its just that I want to do something different. Everyday the concept and idea of what I want to so solidifies and crystallises in my head a little more. Becomes a little more concrete and a little more real. Its very exciting. I have started to think colours and actual points of the design but I think whats most important to me is that feel good on, are super comfortable and super flexible and give whoever is wearing them confidence and lots of different options in how they wear them. I want to build in the slights of eye that detract from the areas we all like a little less and enhance the ones we like a little more. Watch this space.
I got out of bed this morning hurting in places I didn't know could hurt (or had forgotten). I have missed Ellen yoga. Today has been an interesting day as the yoga I did yesterday has settled and been absorbed by my body. Actually, my body is screaming for another class. Roll on September 1st.... My legs feel about 5 inches longer and my ass - well that's just a whole new level of ache. It's good but has brought up a lot of different emotions and feelings and somehow today I have been sucked into them a little more rather than just being able to observe them.
One of the saddest things I think is how when a relationship breaks down communication that previously would have been so natural and easy becomes more complicated and less straight forward. I have been thinking about this a lot today. Not sure if this was something that came up for me because of the Yoga or not but its been glaring at me in the face all day. It's to do with speaking to the most wonderful person who has played such a large roll in giving me the courage to embark on this journey and I am incredibly grateful to them for that, but we seem to be at a point where what we are choosing not to say speaks more than the words we do say. I wish that wasn't the case as I miss them dreadfully. It's rare, or at least rare for me, to have someone touch my soul and make me want to open up to them. Although I post all sorts of drivel on this it feels much more anonymous to me than actually discussing this with any of you in person and I am actually pretty private and reserved about stuff that really matters to me. But this brings me to another point. Words are incredibly powerful. We often underestimate them so much and I know I for one do not use them nearly mindfully enough. Two events this weekend, both devastatingly sad, have prompted verbal responses that have really touched me.
Firstly the events in Norway. Horrific. We are all Norwegian this week. I have been reading the words of the Norwegian Prime Minister today and they are very poignant and definitely worth a look (below):
“Today Norway was hit by two shocking and bloody and cowardly attacks.
We still do not know who attacked us; much is still uncertain.
But we know that many are dead and injured.
We are all shocked at the evil that has struck us so brutally and so suddenly
This night demands much of all of us.
And the days that follow will demand even more
We are prepared to face up to this.
Norway hangs together during critical times.
We mourn our dead, we suffer with the injured, and we comfort relatives.
This is about attacks on innocent civilians, on young people at summer camp.
An attack on all of us.
I have a message to the people who attacked us, and those behind them.
This is a message from all of Norway:
You will not destroy us.
You will not destroy our democracy nor our quest for a better world.
We are a small nation, but we are a proud nation.
No one shall bomb us into silence or shoot us into silence.
Nothing will frighten us out of being Norway.
This night we will comfort each other, talk with each other, and stand together.
Tomorrow we will show the world that Norway’s democracy grows stronger when it is challenged.
We shall find the guilty and hold them responsible.
The important thing tonight is to save lives, to care for the victims and their loved ones
I would like to state my recognition for the work of the police, the medics,
and all the other people who currently do such formidable work
to help others, healing injures and saving lives.
We must never cease to stand up for our values.
We have to show that our open society can pass this test, too,
And that the answer to violence is even more democracy,
even more humanity, but never naïveté.
”
This is obviously written for a devastating and horrific attack but there are such messages of courage and bravery in his words that I think we (I certainly) could all use a little of them in every aspect of our lives. The message that we should face our fears, and not let them cow us, that we should maintain our values regardless and despite of our fears and our losses, we should become more resolute in our values and uphold them more as a result, that we should show compassion to others, who might be worse off, when we are in these times of difficulty and extend even more humanity as the solution. So true. So simple.
The other thing I have read this weekend that has really moved me and changed the way I view the world a little bit is Russell Brand's essay to Amy Winehouse. It's clearly a touching tribute to a much loved friend from someone who has both witnessed and experienced a similar struggle and is really worth a read. Absolutely beautifully written too. He highlights how badly we deal with addiction as a society, the lack of support and understanding that is given to addicts and their families, and as he points out - there will be a phone call - as the loved one of a person with an addiction you just hope its going to be them, rather than someone else saying its too late. Anyone who has ever has a addict as a friend will know exactly how hard this is and how absolutely heart wrenching it can be to witness especially as the will to recover it has to come from them.
http://www.russellbrand.tv/2011/07/for-amy/
Now having read through this my opening paragraphs seem so trite, but I guess this whole post comes down to communication. Life is far too short. Beautiful but short. Make the call if you need to make the call. And I hope if you are the person waiting, the person you love calls you.
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